Poker face?

I can't seem to find a happy medium. I either have so much to do that I can't breathe or I feel like I can't find enough to keep me occupied. I have a 10 page paper due Friday that I could have easily spent this boring day working on, but I did not have the motivation to do so today. Why? Probably this mass attack of Senioritis that has consumed me lately. 26 days. I have a big girl job. I may not start for a little while, but I will be a teller at Cumberland Bank & Trust. I know, I know... I'll have a business degree while having the job that anyone can get. The good thing is that I'll be able to work my way up because I have a degree. I guess there's nothing wrong with starting at the bottom. Maybe I'll meet a hottie at the drive-thru.

I felt so at peace yesterday... in a sense that I've never felt before. I have so much to be thankful for. I didn't spend my Easter with my family, per-se. Well, I did go to Dad's for a couple hours in the morning to work on my resume & he made me some eggs, but other than that it was another Sunday (minus being at the boutique). Dad & Kadie were hosting a nice party for a couple of their friends birthdays. I didn't want to intrude.

So, I left there & headed to WalMart for flowers. I'm not much of a cemetary kinda girl, but it was such a pretty day & I hadn't been in so long that I just really wanted to be there. I know that's such a weird thing to hear--wanting to be at a cemetary, but it is, in all honesty, such a peaceful place. And, as I said somewhat jokingly yesterday, "I have more family there than I have here so it only makes sense" hahaha. Maybe that's only funny to me. So, I talked to Momma for a while. I knew she was laughing hysterically at the fact that I was breaking stems of roses off on my knee and gracefully getting poked by thorns in places you wouldn't think someone would get poked by thorns. I raised my voice at her new neighbor "Steven" (I can't rememeber his name, but that sounds right) for taking the area I prefered to sit while talking to her. I went a little further down & talked to Granny, Aunt Ginny, Granddaddy, & Mammy for a while. Gave them some roses. Complained to Granny that I was tired of Easter without her mashed potatos, deviled eggs, giant ham & ridiculous amounts of chocolate in my Easter basket. Blew everybody a kiss & went on my way.

... & I wasn't sad. The only thing that makes me sad is how much I keep forgetting things about them (mainly Mom & Granny. I never got to meet Mammy but I was named after her so I feel a closeness). I left my car on & my window down while I was at the cemetary because I remember Mom's love of The Rolling Stones (which we definitelty share). I found the fact that I was blasting "Tumbling Dice" in a cemetary in no way inappropriate :) Don't get me wrong, it will always hurt. This will never not hurt. I think there's a difference between feeling empty, hurt, & lonely than being sad about said things.

Anyways, back to Easter. I've always said that my friends are my family. They are so incredable & important to me & Easter just intensified those feelings. I was plenty content laying on my couch doing laundry & watching 30 Rock all day on Easter, but still, the fact that I was invited to eat with each Mary Pat, Lauren, Jessica, & Ben's families showed me how much I do have. Lauren & I ended up at Mr. Gatti's then to the Hannah Montana Movie (I don't wanna talk about it haha) which was, to me, the perfect ending to this holiday.

Please keep Vince & his family in your prayers. I hate when my friends are hurting more than anything. Maybe our mom's can play together up there :)