There wouldn't be a Swine Flu if we treated the pigs better.

New apt:
Coming together VERY slowly, but surely. I don't have things most apartments should definitely have, but everything will work itself out. I've never been so broke in my life either, but hell... livin' the dream, right? I FINALLY got cable & internet today (I know, I know) & I'm much more content now. I'm beginning week 2 here. Week one was all around rough. I cried a lot. I'm not sure why, but I did. I felt homesick, but that doesn't even make sense. I haven't had a steady place to live in a long time. I've been writing a lot more, trying to get things situated, trying to get right. I'm better now. I'm happy here :) Minus the noises. That's what I get for living in the homeless center of Clarksville.

Boys:
Just give me Caleb Followill for the love of all things holy.

Honestly, though, nothing is happening in this department. I still get crushes on the impossible. I guess there's some things I'll never grow out of.

Work:
Work has been amazing since last Monday because Jacquie has been on vacation. She'll be back next week. Get ready for me to be just as les mis as I was. She's just not a nice person & I hate that she makes me dislike something I otherwise really like doing.

I've had a couple rough patches recently, but I have overcome. I realize I'm far from being alone, no matter how much I feel like I am sometimes. Everybody feels that way on occasion. I'm finally pretty settled in here so I can start calming down on the stress factor. I've had long weeks, good weekends, & I've cried a lot. I have amazing friends, though, so I'm money.

This wasn't as fun as you probably hoped. My apologies.

breakdowns & pizza.

Minus my nervous breakdown yesterday, I had a pretty good weekend. Went to dinner/movie with Jessica on Friday night. Word to the wise, Bruno is just ridiculous. Ri-dic-u-lous.

Yesterday... I don't really know what happened to me. I had myself all hyped up to go to lunch/pool right after work with Dad, come home, get ready for Jazz, go to Jazz, etc. Rain ruined almost all of those plans. That wasn't technically what got me. Sure, it put me in a bad mood, but for some reason everything came to a head after work. I won't go into details, but I think I went crazy for about 2 hours. Absolutely crazy. Not exaggerating. Well, maybe I am a little. I just cried a lot for no reason... & I am NOT a crier. I wrote down all my confessions, thinking that would make me feel better. It actually just made it worse--seeing every stupid, wrong thing I've done on one sheet of paper. It was an intense meltdown I had. But, then again, knowing that I'm not that person anymore put me at ease. I'm not that person at all anymore. I wasn't a fan of her. I'm more content with who I am. Way more comfortable with myself. Still confused, still sort of pathetic, but more comfortable.

When I would get the "What are you doing tonight?" text, I would respond in an ever-dramatic fashion with "nothing... drinking by myself." (which I was?) & I would continue drinking by myself. Luckily, Mary Pat got me out of my self-loathing & I went to her boy's house & watched movies. I was drunk when I got there & continued to be the only drunk one out of the 6 of us, but it happens haha. The boys made us breakfast this morning which, of course, got the remainder of the worries out of my head. Nothing helps like bacon.

So, I'm fine now. I've been watching Gossip Girl, doing laundry & eating pizza since I got home. I'm attempting to start packing, kinda... more like getting things ready to start packing. Pre-packing, if you will. I hate moving. I can't wait to, though.

I literally have 4 plates, 2 bowls, a few cups & no cutlery. This is going to be hilarious.

July.

I'm a horrible blogger.

I have so much on my mind 100% of the time. I just find it so difficult lately where to even begin putting things in order. I'm stressed to high heaven, but I'm ridiculously calm about everything. I move to a new apartment in about 11 days. I have yet to begin packing. My money is so slim because of the fact that I am having to pay for 2 apartments right now (side note: if you or anyone you know needs a house cleaner/animal sitter/baby sitter/wanna pay Maggie to do anything--I'm your man) & nothing stresses me out more than money. That is why I am not going to say anything else about it.

I miss cable. I've been without television for a little over a month now. Thank God for John Harris, the sweet prince who got me every season of the Simpsons on DVD for my 21st birthday. I'm thanking him even more now than I did when he gave them to me.

My 4th of July was wonderful. Different, full of bad weather, people I've missed, no fireworks, & Michael Jackson. It was mainly so great because I got to hangout with Lo & I haven't even seen her in weeks. When I got home this afternoon, I stuck in The Simpsons & laid my head down for a quick power nap. Yep, I slept for about 4 hours. Shoot.

I currently have a dozen roses & a precious teddy bear hanging out in my room right now. There are way more cons than pros about this. He's a sweet guy, I just don't think I could put someone through the trials that are my life when he's 3 hours away. & I think Eric would kill himself if he had to come back to Clarksville again just because of that haha. I'm a very confused, strange, ridiculous creature. I'm busy. I'm unconfident and very all-over-the-place. I need to focus on myself at this time in my life. I don't like to use the word "selfish", but in a way I am right now. I know what I want & I know what I don't want. I need a lot of improvment before I bring somebody else into the picture. Plus, I think I have some chemical inbalance that keeps me from wanting people who want me.

Tomorrow I intend on downsizing after work. Goodwill will be getting more clothes than they probably want or need. Maybe I'll find some hidden treasures to pawn while I'm on my journey haha

I cannot WAIT to be in my new apartment. I'm ready to fully focus on bettering every aspect of my life. I'm tired of having gone out of my way & being disrespected so many times.