I got mine.

I had quite the day. Work was slow, but good. Just a good day. We've been having a few problems as a "team" I guess you could say. Bottom line-- we are around one another for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. WAY more than I'm around anybody else I know. We had some issues (not so much me, but everybody seemed to work everything out), got past them & had a great day together. I adore my job & it was seriously breaking my heart that one aspect of it was keeping me from being totally happy. I was happy today. I like being happy.

Next week, I will be putting a deposit down on my new apartment... where I will live by myself. There's just something so final about that. It makes me feel even more grown than I already do. I'm excited about living by myself, honestly. I'm nervous about the bills, but I'm ready to be totally on my own. Not that having a rooommate doesn't mean I'm on my own, but you know what I mean. This will be ME. Me, living by myself, paying everything on my own, not having a soul to come home to. Just me & me, hanging out. Maybe I should invest in a videogame console. I'll be in the same apartment "complex" as Cale used to live in(I say "complex" because it's an old white house in the middle of downtown that was converted into 6 apartments), so I know what to expect in the set-up (I think). Not much more expensive than I'm paying now & it's seriously about 2 seconds down the road. I made it a point that I did not want to leave downtown. I just like living in this area. I don't really know why.

Also, telling people that I'm about to move into a new apartment totally on my own is kind of... sad. Like I wasn't already coming home to an empty apartment every single day/night... this just makes it more certain. I'm the only single person at work. Even the new part time girl we're getting who is my age is married. I guess I just didn't see myself at 22 with a good job & absolutely no love life. Oh well. I will never forget Mom saying "be able to provide for yourself... take care of yourself before you get involved with anybody else". This is me doing that, Mom. Not so much willingly haha.

After work, I met up with an "old flame" at the Deli for a couple hours. Random, yes, but so nice just to talk again. It took a few years for us to get to this point, but I'm glad we reached it. As I told him earlier today when he mentioned hanging out & talking, I said "Yes, we used to have a good time together when we weren't fighting" (which was a majority of the time). And we didn't talk about anything that passed between us at all, really. We just talked. About our jobs, his family, how much we've changed, how nice this was. It was so nice. It was a good change of pace from my normal after-work routine, too. He's been through a lot recently. Sometimes it takes a lot for us to realize who knows us best & who can help us the most. I'll always care the world for him, no matter how bad he hurt me. That was years ago. I was very content with today.

On a totally different note (not about the person above at all)... it's so hard just not knowing how you feel about somebody. I've always been SO sure about my feelings. What's been going on between him & me recently is just so strange that I cannot wrap my head around it. It's been one of those things that's been so pushed back in my mind for so long that I have no idea if I should ignore everything or lay it out on the table. Meh.

I'm finishing Breaking Dawn tonight. I'm going to Memphis this weekend to hangout with my brother. I need to get away & I wanna see him. Two very good reasons to leave.